A Little Secret

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, but there’s been a real explosion in the number of big TV dramas focusing on non-verbal communication.

Psych, The Mentalist, Lie To Me.

The shows may differ slightly, but they all show experts at body language attempting to get to the heart of a mystery by focusing on the things that people don’t say.

There are two things at work here

First the body language itself.

These reactions come from a part of the brain that we can’t control.

They are involuntary, we can’t stop them.

Secondly, the observational skills

The expertise comes from the fact that the characters notice minute details.

They look at people very, very closely.

Observe behaviours and draw conclusions.

Now, I’m no Patrick Jane or Shawn Spencer but I thought I’d share a little body language insight.

If you ask someone a question and they shut their eyes, they’re uncomfortable and don’t want to address the answer.

It works the same whether the question is “Have I got the job?” or “Did we win the pitch?”

Importantly, you can’t assume that the answer will be a lie but you can know that they don’t want to give it.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work quite so well over the phone.

Look 'Em In The Eye

This is a small point, but important.
Studies have shown that of all communications, 7% happens in spoken words, 38% happens through voice tone and 55% happens via general body language.
Practically, of course, this doesn’t work. For instance, can you watch a person speaking in a foreign language and understand 93%?
The important point however is not up for debate - it’s not just words that count.
Most communication comes through the non-verbal.
So brush up on your body language skills, not only how you project yourself, but in terms of being able to read other people’s.
Life is like a giant game of Texas Hold ‘Em. If you have any "tells", someone’s going to see them, recognise them and react to them.
After all, if your non-verbal signals contradict what you’re saying, people will know instantly to stop listening.
We all know the simple ones, arms folded, touching your own face.
Above all, make eye contact.
Even if, like me, only one of yours works.